So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
4 words: hood of his car
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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