as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
