life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
