atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
