You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
