I faked an abortion last night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
