Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
