I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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