Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
