I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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