I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
