Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
