Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ttyl tear gas
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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