as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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