I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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