just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
