She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
