I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
