My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
