I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I love having hate sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
