Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
