i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
