You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
