so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
