3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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