you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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