love makes seman taste better
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We just shotgunned beers for America
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
