Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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