How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
