I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
