we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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