so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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