i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
