I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
