this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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