Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
