He uses pillows to masturbate.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
