And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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