Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
zippers are such a cool invention
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
