Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
