Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We left the knife in your bed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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