god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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