next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
