He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
