So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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