I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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