I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
