Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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