wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They have beer where we have blood.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
