I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
