the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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