did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my shit smells like andre
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
