Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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