I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
