Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
