We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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