If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
